Spills.

Getting the kids settled for a meal is typically a production. I've realized - though I don't always put into practice - that it is most efficient to do things in an assembly line. Give each kid a serving of rice. Next, a serving of the entree. Then, the drinks. Pour water for each little one in their cups... And just as we're nearing the end of the conveyor belt, everything comes to a screeching halt. Why? Because almost as soon as I'm done pouring someone's drink, they knock it over. (and in all honesty, sometimes it's me!) This has got to be one of those small yet very frustrating moments for a mom like me for whom "efficiency and effectiveness" was drilled into the psyche as a business major in college. My viewfinder typically operates based on the parameters of "E&E"...

I ask myself, "What is the fastest way for me to get this done the right way?"
Hence the assembly line meal prep.

The spill scenario happened just the other day. Quite literally as soon as I poured my almost-2-year-old's water, she knocks it over and it spills all over the table. My sin nature response to this is to almost instantly get upset.
Well, of course, why not? This is just messing up the whole rotation...!

But God in all His goodness subtly intervenes in the background.

He knows exactly how my sin nature wants to react to the interruption and its inconvenience to the process. This was His teachable moment for me. This was a special moment in my day when He would speak to me right when I needed Him to... a moment that would evidence His constant presence in my life, in my days... the presence that faithfully nudges me along in this lifelong process of sanctification.

You see, I was playing worship music from my Chris Tomlin Pandora station at that time. And just as she had spilled the water and I was in the thick of building up my frustrated reaction, these lyrics float to my ears with divine timing:

"Everyone needs compassion.... A love that's never failing...Let mercy fall on me.... Everyone needs forgiveness..."

He was right there with me. And I looked at my baby girl and she said in her sweet, adorable almost-2-year-old way, "Sowwy Mommy". And God in all His compassion filled me with His compassion so that in that very moment, I would be the mother she needed me to be...and the mother God wants me to be.

"It's okay, baby...spills happen. I forgive you, I'm not mad at you."

Praise God for stepping in right when I needed Him to. It was all Him in that moment. He moved through me. He moved in me. The GOD of me used that moment to sanctify me so I can testify to the greatness of our God.

••••••••••••••

Thank you, Lord, for molding me on a daily basis. I know most of the time I'm either a saggy lump of clay or a hardened rock in need of a good soak in the streams of Your grace. But You are there. You give me so many chances to learn and practice what it means to be who You want me to be. And even though many times I fail to do what You have called me to do, I thank You for always looking upon me with love and compassion, not condemnation. I thank You for loving me just as I am, wherever I am.
YOU are the GOD of me. Help me to go where You lead and be who You called me to be. In Jesus' name, Amen.

Just The Way You Are.

[from my Parenting by Design devotion]

For you see your calling, brethren, that not many wise according to the flesh, not many mighty, not many noble, are called. But God has chosen the foolish things of the world to put to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to put to shame the things which are mighty;
(1 Corinthians 1:26, 27 NKJV)

SHAMING THE WISE?

In today's culture, these words are tough teaching for parents! We long for our kids to be wise by human standards - just look at the emphasis we put on grades, test scores, and college acceptance as measures of success and worth. We revel in achievements that put them in positions of influence such as cheerleader, student government, or captain of a team. We may envy the opportunities available to other children due to their family's wealth or social position.

While God calls us to use our minds to make wise choices, no amount of human knowledge can replace Christ's work on the cross. Ironically, real strength and wisdom are found by surrendering our pride and coming to God in humility and weakness.

Teach your children that real strength comes by submitting to God and humbling yourself before others.


------
Thoughts from a Lady:

I fell into this mode of thinking from a young age. Growing up, I derived my own worth from and measured my success by my accomplishments. I cam to this realization as an adult and just recently. Reflecting on it has led me to see how that world-based thinking has influenced my perception of my children. Especially with my first child, I often felt a sense of competition with other children and parents - this was mostly due to my own insecurities as a first-time mother and never-perfect-enough-perfectionist. The Lord has shown me that I've been going about it ALL WRONG.

As I work with and wait on the Lord to help me heal from the disappointments of my own past failures and learn to live like a daughter of the King - loved and cherished unconditionally just the way I am, any way I am - I am learning to practice that same love with my children. I want to love them the way God loves me. I want them to know God's love because I've demonstrated the earthly version of it. I don't want them to submit to society's standards of worth and value as measured by their "accomplishments" and "contribution to the world". I want them to understand, believe and LIVE the truth that God loves them the way they are, that they are treasured by the King of Kings and that humility and submission to God are far greater accomplishments than that which earns the praise of man.

Marks of His Majesty.

Lately, the hubby and I have been praising God in our day to day conversations and interactions by saying, "GOD IS GOOD!"

The other night, as my eldest, Josiah, was helping me clear the dishwasher, he says:

"You know, I've always wanted a dog."

"Well, now you have one!" I answered.

And he looks at me and says: "GOD IS GOOD!" with a smile spread across his face.


My heart swelled with joy. I gave him a big hug and told him how happy that made me to hear him say that.
I know he knew it too.

Thank you, Lord, for the marks of Your majesty in our day to day lives. You are GOOD!!

Grace for Mommies.

I subscribe to a few blogs so lately I've been getting a handful of daily emails with devotional content. These give some perspective for my day and help me to open my heart to hear more clearly what God wants to speak into my life that day. And by His grace and goodness, He often times strings them all together with the same theme so that even in my most dense moments, it's hard not to notice what He wants me to focus on.

Today is one of those days.
God's apparent theme for me today is: GRACE.

Pastor Ed Underwood's blog post was about grace:
DISCIPLESHIP MINUTE: LIARS DON'T NEED GRACE

Proverbs 31 Ministries' daily devotion talked about grace:
GRACE DOESN'T HAVE TO BE PERFECT TO BE GOOD

My Parenting by Design reading plan touched on grace:
EXTENDING GRACE (sorry, no link for this one)


GOD IS SO GOOD! I am so thankful for the way He uses these ministries and His word to speak His truth into my life, especially when He does it right when I really need it.

Here are some of the insights that hit home for me.

From Ed's post:

"You see, if we’re honest we know that every one of us needs a rescue from our sin. And, we must admit that if the rescue wasn’t free, we’d have no hope.
But if we lie to ourselves and others, we’ll decide that our sins are the ones that don’t need payment, that our shortcomings and pathologies are the ones God must have decided were okay. And then, the grace He gives to others upsets us."

I'm reminded here of God's grace offered and poured out upon me. I need just as much grace as the next person. We're all in the same boat, deserving of death and condemnation because of our sinful nature, yet undeserving recipients of the grace that flows through the blood of Jesus shed on the cross.

This gives me the right perspective to set out on the path of giving grace to others, especially my kids. I have to understand how much I need it before I can give it.

From P31 Ministries:

I related so strongly with this post. This is so me:

"I looked for ways to lovingly reassure her. I held her hand. I let her see my pleasure in her through the expressions on my face. And I kept quiet when my nerves were begging me to do otherwise.

I did really well ... for a couple of hours.

And then I lost it. Completely.

I was so discouraged."

This has been my exact process so many times... It has felt like a constant roller coaster.

But this is what the Lord really wanted to drive home for me today:

"But as I think back on it now, that part of it is grace too. I demonstrated the reason I can give grace is because I so desperately need it. I asked for forgiveness and decided to resist my own funk begging me to sit and wallow in my messy humanity.

I dusted myself off, and whispered, "God help me. Please, please help me."

And I took one more step towards the grace I so desperately want to demonstrate.

...
Remember, grace doesn't have to be perfect to be good."


From Parenting by Design:

Although we may understand them on an intellectual level, it can still be hard for us to accept God's grace. Often, we try to be "good enough" because we can't seem to separate our value from our performance.

...Once we have truly experienced the extent of God's grace,we can extend it to our children in a life-changing way. Knowing we are all sinners in need of grace, we can allow them to experience the consequences of their choices without condemning who they are as people.


Follow God's example of grace by offering unconditional love for the sinner while delivering consequences for the sin.


Thoughts from a Lady:
 
The past few days, my journey with the Lord has led me to a place of vulnerability. I've had to revisit the pain in my past in order to try to heal the wounds that I only covered up and never allowed God to truly close. So He's in the process of setting my feet and my heart in the right direction to allow me to experience His grace in such a real way and to live the promises in His Word the way He intended. Yet because of the fragility of my emotions at this point in time, He has been my encouragement with each step. He's been showing me that it's okay to stumble. It's okay to take a step back sometimes. I don't have to be perfect. I just have to try to be obedient. I have to take joy in the progress I have made. So even if I take 10 steps forward and 1 step back, I'm still making progress... I'm still moving forward. He's trying to break my perfectionist, overachiever mentality so that I can actually grow in His grace and not be held prisoner to my own criticism, self-condemnation and fear of not being good enough.

I believe that as God molds me into the mother He wants me to be and the mother my kids need me to be, I will learn to embrace the grace He gives so freely to me. As a result, it will flow freely through me and into my interactions with my kids. And just the other day, I came to the stark realization that all that my kids want from me is my unconditional love and my acceptance of who they are, no matter what that looks like. 

"To be known is to be loved. To be loved is to be known. " 

Bella's New Words

May 17, 2012

"Alrighty then"
"thirsty"

Godly Behavior.

Demonstrate it in my own life
And uphold its standards with kindness and love.

My kids will do what I say if what I say is what I do.

You, therefore, who teach another, do you not teach yourself? You who preach that a man should not steal, do you steal? You who say, Do not commit adultery, do you commit adultery? You who abhor idols, do you rob temples? (Romans 2:21, 22 NKJV)

Mold Me.

I wanted to share this on my Mommy blog because it happens to be the meditation from my daily calendar devotional that sits on my kitchen counter... for May 13th, 2012 - Mothers Day. And I found it so fitting for me and my journey with the Lord right now.

It's been on my heart heavily the last few months to focus on trying to discover and implement daily what it means to be the mother God wants me to be and that my kids need me to be.



It's been an oh so difficult and inconsistent path so far... I actually didn't think it was going to be this challenging to change what I know I need to. But I know the Lord is still working in me. His work is a work in progress and right now it seems to be going at a painstakingly slow pace, but he's teaching me to wait on Him and trust Him and His infinite power to work in me exceedingly abundantly above all that I could ask or think...



He's encouraging and reminding me again of what I have asked of Him over and over since the beginning of last year - to use me for His glory and make me into the woman He's called me to be.

And so, I've been reminded to trust Him; I'm reminded of who He is... my Potter, my Master... This reflection is what He so deeply planted in my heart last year and now I'm weathering the storms and trying to learn how to grow into the fruit bearing vessel He wants me to be: the vessel that I want to be so He can use me for His glory... especially in my primary ministry right now, which is in my home and especially with my family; in order to present Him with godly offspring and to be fruitful and multiply - not just numerically through physical reproduction, but by passing on my faith and guiding my children in theirs so that they can be further used for the glory of the only one, true God.



God is good. He speaks to our hearts right when we need Him to... we just have to be disciplined and obedient enough to listen, heed His instruction and trust Him to bring to pass His divine and perfect will.



Happy Mothers Day to all the Mommies out there! "The Lord bless you and keep you..." and may you always trust in God's power to make you into the woman He's called you to be!

The Witness of Faith.

From my Parenting By Design devotional for May 11th...

---------------
When Daniel's three friends were told to worship Nebuchadnezzar or be thrown into a blazing furnace, their response spoke volumes about their faith. Although they trusted that God could deliver them, they didn't know if that would be His will. No matter what happened, however, they wanted the king to know they were willing to endure anything before they denied their God.

Some parenting challenges will stretch our faith more than others. Even though He has the ability to deliver us, God may ask us to walk through some of these trials. When we affirm His goodness in the face of potential suffering, our faith shines in a powerful and authentic way.

Let your children and those around you see your faith in the way you respond to trials.

More Encouragement for the Young.

The Lord said to me, “Do not say, ‘I am too young.’ But go to whomever I send you and say whatever I tell you. Do not be afraid of those to whom I send you, for I will be with you to protect you,” says the Lord.
___________________
Jeremiah 1:7, 8 NET

Why I Should Be a S•A•H•M

Why I Should Be Home With My Kids

"If the Hubby and I were both working full time right now..."

...Who would lay down with Bella for her nap, letting her put her hand up their sleeve so she can soothe herself? (they wouldn't do that at daycare!!)

...I wouldn't have the energy to do laundry every other day to wash Jonah's favorite Batman shirt so he could wear it every single day.

...Who would be at Josiah's monthly award ceremonies so he would know he's loved and supported?

...Who would take Jonah•Bella on morning walks with the dog and teach them about snails and earthworms?

...I wouldn't have the time to have spontaneous half hour long midday conversations with my 3 year old about his fave show Ninjago.

...Who would kick off the loud cheering for Josiah at his talent show rehearsals?

...It would be much harder to hear the Holy Spirit's admonition and conviction on being the Mom they need me to be... especially with all the noise of everything Mom needs to do.

...I couldn't be right there to address a disappointing moment in my 7 year old's day.
One day, the first thing Siah said when I picked him up from school and asked him about his day: "I got an 'S' on my writing assessment." (S - Satisfactory. He's an Excellent/Outstanding/Good kind of student so the occasional 'S' is a bit devastating... The kid's an overachiever, just like his Mama!) He was upset to the point of tears in his eyes. And the Lord gave me the priceless opportunity to reassure him of his own self-worth and work ethic, to support him in his disappointment without passing judgment or making light of it. I was able to put the bandaid on as soon as possible after the scrape. I'm so grateful.

...I would miss so much. Jonah & Bella being, well, Jonah•Bella... Siah waving and waving and waving at me while I wait in line to pick him up after school...

These moments won't come back the same way again.

"The years you pour into your children are years that you will never regret. More importantly these years with your children you will never, ever, get back. When you're old in your bed it will not be the career that you sought fulfillment in that keeps you warm; it'll be the memories of your little ones."
- Jamerrill Stewart of HolySpiritLedHomeschooling.net

Thank You, Lord, for opening this door for me to focus on my ministry at home and to my family! May I be faithful to You and the calling throughout each season of Motherhood.

Provoke Not Your Children!

"And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord."
_________________
Ephesians 6:4 NKJV

"Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged."

___________________

Colossians 3:21 NKJV

I wanted to share some insight I've come across on the command to provoke not our children. As I've settled into my role as a stay-at-home-mom, I've come to realize and am working to fully embrace that my primary ministry is in my home. That said, I've been made fully aware of my many shortcomings as a mother and the admonition in these verses speaks so directly to me. I've been praying and asking the Lord for a while now to show me the sin in my life and help me to both acknowledge it and have the strength to change it. And, unfortunately, "provok[ing] not [my] children" is definitely a point of frequent failure for me. These insightful passages, however, have been encouraging and convicting for me as I persevere through my personal struggles with this... so I wanted to share in hopes that someone else might be blessed by them too.

••••••
[from Parenting by Design, re: Eph 6:4]

EXASPERATING YOUR KIDS

This verse is packed with parenting instruction. It immediately follows the passage instructing children to honor and obey their parents (Eph 6:1-2), and it helps us see how to make it easier for our children to obey us. The key is to avoid exasperating them. The Greek word translated "exasperate" means to provoke to anger or to enrage. And, the fastest way to exasperate a child is to micromanage every move, correct each misstep, and point out all the areas he needs to improve. Kids who are nagged and lectured soon become frustrated and often respond by rebelling, withdrawing, or "losing heart". We are so inclined to over-correct, we often end up fighting about small things that aren't important. We may win the argument, but lose the war as we find our kids disconnecting from us. Instead, try walking beside your kids as you lovingly allow them to experience the consequences of their choices. This is a far better way to create an environment in which a child can understand and embrace God's design for his life. Pick your battles and avoid exasperating your kids.

BRINGING THEM UP

Our goal is to help them find and fulfill God's design for their lives and to teach them about the character of Christ.

...

The character we should be teaching them to adopt is the character of Christ. The choices they make and the consequences they face are opportunities to talk to them about the character of Jesus.

...

Chip Ingram calls this teaching your child "survival skills," as contrasted to spending most of your efforts ensuring their survival. Too often, we attempt to ensure survival by rescuing, nagging or micromanaging, and we end up with children unprepared to face the world without us. Redefine what it means to train and instruct your kids about the character of Christ.

••••••

["From Chaos to Calm: Day Twenty-Two" by Melissa Ringstaff, founder of A Virtuous Woman, re: Col 3:21]

Children should never be put down, belittled, or snapped at. As your child grows from a toddler to an adolescent and beyond, he will want to feel understood. So many times parents don’t give their child the benefit of being listened to. A child that is frequently yelled at, may feel justified in being angry and disrespectful. However, a child that is treated with respect and dignity coupled with a firm, loving form of discipline will demonstrate the same love and respect toward his mom and dad.

...

Try approaching your child with tenderness, love, respect, and with a soft voice. Unjust harshness is not fair to either one of you. Rather than picking at every little thing you notice – try choosing your battles wisely so that only the most important issues are brought up... Uplift your child every chance you get. Really look and see the good in him instead of only the bad.

Remember that it is okay to admit to your child that you were wrong. They will learn a valuable lesson from you! If you realize later that something you said or did was unfair, ask them to forgive you and make a promise to be better in the future.

Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him.
Psalm 127:3

Kindness Leads to Repentance!

Just wanted to share this greatly refreshing and insightful commentary on disciplining our children. It was my "Parenting by Design" devotional the other day.
_______________________________
KINDNESS LEADS TO REPENTANCE

When our kids disobey, we sometimes feel justified to respond with anger, guilt, or sarcasm. It may make us feel better for a moment, but it rarely produces the results we are hoping for. This verse explains why. We can be "right" in our assessment of the situation and still be "wrong" in how we respond. We are called to treat our kids with respect, even in the midst of conflict, because this is how God responds to us in our rebellion. Rather than seeking to punish or prove we're right, the motivation for discipline should be to move our kids towards holiness. God allows us to learn important lessons by giving us consequences, but He does so with kindness, tolerance and patience. This is the kind of discipline that leads to repentance! Being kind, tolerant, and patient even in the face of disobedience or rebellion requires your kids to focus on their mistakes, rather than your response.

"Or do you despise the riches of His goodness, forbearance, and longsuffering, not knowing that the goodness of God leads you to repentance?"
Romans 2:4 NKJV

Love This.

These are the moments we are blessed to be able to capture. Such a beautiful encapsulation of God's goodness to me. I don't deserve the joy they bring to my life... but I sure am thankful for the blessing and privilege of being their Mama.

The Unforgettables. Volume 1.

Lately I've been trying to recapture the essence of mothering my children. I've been trying to make a conscious effort to delight in the endearing moments my kids unintentionally create. And because the
nature of growing old forces our minds to release the little details that take up space in our finite minds, I have decided to make the effort to document the little things that my kids do, which I love or
otherwise bring a smile to my face, so I can look back at any time and recapture the memory.

So here goes...

JOSIAH, age 7.

He laughs hysterically with me at my super corny "Mom" jokes.

He makes friends really easily. Wait, correction: According to him, he doesn't try to make friends... people just ask him to be their friend. (Excuse me, cool guy!!)

He's a natural ham, just like his dad.

Among his friends, he's usually the smallest in stature, but he has the most clout. In other words, he may be the "little homie" with "big homies" but he runs the joint.

While the toddlers usually make me feel like I haven't a clue how to raise my kids, Josiah is such a good kid with a really big heart. He makes me feel like I must have done something right.
(I just hope I can remember what that was...)

He gets embarrassed when his teachers rave about him during Parent/Teacher conferences.

He is self-assured and self-aware in such a good way. Deep down I think he knows that he is who he is and that's how it is... he doesn't have to follow the crowd if he doesn't want to.

He writes these super funny/awesome short stories. One was entitled "How to be a Fire Ninja" about how much he loves Club Penguin (a Disney virtual community that requires a paid monthly membership to
access all the features. We shot that down with a quickness... "Just play the free stuff, dude!"). The funniest part was when he wrote, "To get into the dojo you have to be a member. I am not a member. Because
it costs money. To become a member you have to pay $34.95. I love Club Penguin!!!!!"
hahahahahaha classic.
____________________________

JONAH, age two and a half.
At this age, a lot of the Unforgettables are things these little people say.

If he gets in trouble or if he doesn't get his way, he is most likely to say one of these things, if not a combination of them:

"You're making me mad!"
"You're frustrating me, Mommy"
And my fave, said through the tears, "We're still best friends, Mommy"

Driving in the car, he's muttering some stuff and I ask him what he said. And he tells me,
"I'm not talking to you. I'm talking to the window."

"Pumpim" = Pumpkin

"I make you so happy Mommy"

Jonah gives some of the best hugs. The really big, wrap his arms around your neck and squeeze, squeeze, squeeeeze!!! kind of hugs.

At dinner, he'll go around the table and ask everyone, "How's your food?"

When Joe gets home from work, he says, "Hi Daddy! How work?" :)

"Shuhs" = your
When he had just turned 2, he somehow learned to say "boobs", but he would emphasize the s - "boobsss" - and he would say "I see shuhs boobsss!!! I see shuhs boobsss!!!" (I see your boobs!!!) hahaha
____________________________

BELLA, age one and a half.

She runs with her arms behind her like she's flying.

One time, during bath time, she put a plastic cup on her foot and laughed like it was the funniest thing ever.

She LOVES to eat! Usually she's the first one to start and the lastone to finish...and not because she eats slow...

She nods "yes" with not only her head, but with her face, raising her eyebrows as she nods.

She plays dress up with me.

When I tell her to check herself out in the mirror, the first thing she checks out is her backside.

When Joe gets home from work, she runs to the door and greets him:
"DADDY! DADDY! DADDY!" (and she says it "DAWH-DEE")

Even though she doesn't really say many words, she sings her heart out when there's music. Especially in the car.

She helps me put face moisturizer on.

Just recently she started to build her repertoire of vocabulary words.
Now, instead of saying "Hah" for "Hi" she says: "Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee"
Yes!!! Enunciation!! Keep up the good work B!!!!

She's a tough little girl... a bit clumsy, but tough indeed.

She toprocks like Joe. hahahaha (What is toprockin?)

She's the snuggiest cuddler EVER!!! She caresses your arm when you cuddle and she won't sleep unless you lay down with her and cuddle.
____________________________

My kids are really amazing and such a gift from God. My life would be so different without them... I feel so blessed to have been given the privilege to be their Mama. And while it's exciting to watch them grow and become their own persons, I know these moments are fleeting and that childhood turns to adulthood all too quickly. Maybe one day, they'll find this blog and see in it the love I have for them...

I love you kids! I thank God for every day He has given me and will give me with you. Xo, Mommy