Provoke Not Your Children!

"And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord."
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Ephesians 6:4 NKJV

"Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged."

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Colossians 3:21 NKJV

I wanted to share some insight I've come across on the command to provoke not our children. As I've settled into my role as a stay-at-home-mom, I've come to realize and am working to fully embrace that my primary ministry is in my home. That said, I've been made fully aware of my many shortcomings as a mother and the admonition in these verses speaks so directly to me. I've been praying and asking the Lord for a while now to show me the sin in my life and help me to both acknowledge it and have the strength to change it. And, unfortunately, "provok[ing] not [my] children" is definitely a point of frequent failure for me. These insightful passages, however, have been encouraging and convicting for me as I persevere through my personal struggles with this... so I wanted to share in hopes that someone else might be blessed by them too.

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[from Parenting by Design, re: Eph 6:4]

EXASPERATING YOUR KIDS

This verse is packed with parenting instruction. It immediately follows the passage instructing children to honor and obey their parents (Eph 6:1-2), and it helps us see how to make it easier for our children to obey us. The key is to avoid exasperating them. The Greek word translated "exasperate" means to provoke to anger or to enrage. And, the fastest way to exasperate a child is to micromanage every move, correct each misstep, and point out all the areas he needs to improve. Kids who are nagged and lectured soon become frustrated and often respond by rebelling, withdrawing, or "losing heart". We are so inclined to over-correct, we often end up fighting about small things that aren't important. We may win the argument, but lose the war as we find our kids disconnecting from us. Instead, try walking beside your kids as you lovingly allow them to experience the consequences of their choices. This is a far better way to create an environment in which a child can understand and embrace God's design for his life. Pick your battles and avoid exasperating your kids.

BRINGING THEM UP

Our goal is to help them find and fulfill God's design for their lives and to teach them about the character of Christ.

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The character we should be teaching them to adopt is the character of Christ. The choices they make and the consequences they face are opportunities to talk to them about the character of Jesus.

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Chip Ingram calls this teaching your child "survival skills," as contrasted to spending most of your efforts ensuring their survival. Too often, we attempt to ensure survival by rescuing, nagging or micromanaging, and we end up with children unprepared to face the world without us. Redefine what it means to train and instruct your kids about the character of Christ.

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["From Chaos to Calm: Day Twenty-Two" by Melissa Ringstaff, founder of A Virtuous Woman, re: Col 3:21]

Children should never be put down, belittled, or snapped at. As your child grows from a toddler to an adolescent and beyond, he will want to feel understood. So many times parents don’t give their child the benefit of being listened to. A child that is frequently yelled at, may feel justified in being angry and disrespectful. However, a child that is treated with respect and dignity coupled with a firm, loving form of discipline will demonstrate the same love and respect toward his mom and dad.

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Try approaching your child with tenderness, love, respect, and with a soft voice. Unjust harshness is not fair to either one of you. Rather than picking at every little thing you notice – try choosing your battles wisely so that only the most important issues are brought up... Uplift your child every chance you get. Really look and see the good in him instead of only the bad.

Remember that it is okay to admit to your child that you were wrong. They will learn a valuable lesson from you! If you realize later that something you said or did was unfair, ask them to forgive you and make a promise to be better in the future.

Children are a heritage from the Lord, offspring a reward from him.
Psalm 127:3

Kindness Leads to Repentance!

Just wanted to share this greatly refreshing and insightful commentary on disciplining our children. It was my "Parenting by Design" devotional the other day.
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KINDNESS LEADS TO REPENTANCE

When our kids disobey, we sometimes feel justified to respond with anger, guilt, or sarcasm. It may make us feel better for a moment, but it rarely produces the results we are hoping for. This verse explains why. We can be "right" in our assessment of the situation and still be "wrong" in how we respond. We are called to treat our kids with respect, even in the midst of conflict, because this is how God responds to us in our rebellion. Rather than seeking to punish or prove we're right, the motivation for discipline should be to move our kids towards holiness. God allows us to learn important lessons by giving us consequences, but He does so with kindness, tolerance and patience. This is the kind of discipline that leads to repentance! Being kind, tolerant, and patient even in the face of disobedience or rebellion requires your kids to focus on their mistakes, rather than your response.

"Or do you despise the riches of His goodness, forbearance, and longsuffering, not knowing that the goodness of God leads you to repentance?"
Romans 2:4 NKJV

Love This.

These are the moments we are blessed to be able to capture. Such a beautiful encapsulation of God's goodness to me. I don't deserve the joy they bring to my life... but I sure am thankful for the blessing and privilege of being their Mama.

The Unforgettables. Volume 1.

Lately I've been trying to recapture the essence of mothering my children. I've been trying to make a conscious effort to delight in the endearing moments my kids unintentionally create. And because the
nature of growing old forces our minds to release the little details that take up space in our finite minds, I have decided to make the effort to document the little things that my kids do, which I love or
otherwise bring a smile to my face, so I can look back at any time and recapture the memory.

So here goes...

JOSIAH, age 7.

He laughs hysterically with me at my super corny "Mom" jokes.

He makes friends really easily. Wait, correction: According to him, he doesn't try to make friends... people just ask him to be their friend. (Excuse me, cool guy!!)

He's a natural ham, just like his dad.

Among his friends, he's usually the smallest in stature, but he has the most clout. In other words, he may be the "little homie" with "big homies" but he runs the joint.

While the toddlers usually make me feel like I haven't a clue how to raise my kids, Josiah is such a good kid with a really big heart. He makes me feel like I must have done something right.
(I just hope I can remember what that was...)

He gets embarrassed when his teachers rave about him during Parent/Teacher conferences.

He is self-assured and self-aware in such a good way. Deep down I think he knows that he is who he is and that's how it is... he doesn't have to follow the crowd if he doesn't want to.

He writes these super funny/awesome short stories. One was entitled "How to be a Fire Ninja" about how much he loves Club Penguin (a Disney virtual community that requires a paid monthly membership to
access all the features. We shot that down with a quickness... "Just play the free stuff, dude!"). The funniest part was when he wrote, "To get into the dojo you have to be a member. I am not a member. Because
it costs money. To become a member you have to pay $34.95. I love Club Penguin!!!!!"
hahahahahaha classic.
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JONAH, age two and a half.
At this age, a lot of the Unforgettables are things these little people say.

If he gets in trouble or if he doesn't get his way, he is most likely to say one of these things, if not a combination of them:

"You're making me mad!"
"You're frustrating me, Mommy"
And my fave, said through the tears, "We're still best friends, Mommy"

Driving in the car, he's muttering some stuff and I ask him what he said. And he tells me,
"I'm not talking to you. I'm talking to the window."

"Pumpim" = Pumpkin

"I make you so happy Mommy"

Jonah gives some of the best hugs. The really big, wrap his arms around your neck and squeeze, squeeze, squeeeeze!!! kind of hugs.

At dinner, he'll go around the table and ask everyone, "How's your food?"

When Joe gets home from work, he says, "Hi Daddy! How work?" :)

"Shuhs" = your
When he had just turned 2, he somehow learned to say "boobs", but he would emphasize the s - "boobsss" - and he would say "I see shuhs boobsss!!! I see shuhs boobsss!!!" (I see your boobs!!!) hahaha
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BELLA, age one and a half.

She runs with her arms behind her like she's flying.

One time, during bath time, she put a plastic cup on her foot and laughed like it was the funniest thing ever.

She LOVES to eat! Usually she's the first one to start and the lastone to finish...and not because she eats slow...

She nods "yes" with not only her head, but with her face, raising her eyebrows as she nods.

She plays dress up with me.

When I tell her to check herself out in the mirror, the first thing she checks out is her backside.

When Joe gets home from work, she runs to the door and greets him:
"DADDY! DADDY! DADDY!" (and she says it "DAWH-DEE")

Even though she doesn't really say many words, she sings her heart out when there's music. Especially in the car.

She helps me put face moisturizer on.

Just recently she started to build her repertoire of vocabulary words.
Now, instead of saying "Hah" for "Hi" she says: "Hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee"
Yes!!! Enunciation!! Keep up the good work B!!!!

She's a tough little girl... a bit clumsy, but tough indeed.

She toprocks like Joe. hahahaha (What is toprockin?)

She's the snuggiest cuddler EVER!!! She caresses your arm when you cuddle and she won't sleep unless you lay down with her and cuddle.
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My kids are really amazing and such a gift from God. My life would be so different without them... I feel so blessed to have been given the privilege to be their Mama. And while it's exciting to watch them grow and become their own persons, I know these moments are fleeting and that childhood turns to adulthood all too quickly. Maybe one day, they'll find this blog and see in it the love I have for them...

I love you kids! I thank God for every day He has given me and will give me with you. Xo, Mommy